Confessions of a Dramebaaz

"Chal chal drama bandh kar"

WTF. 

Firstly, the poor things are never taken seriously. 

Yes, that's about it. That's bad enough. And you're waiting for more?

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Distractions. Screw distractions. I came online to solve a paper and I did everything else except that. From joining StumbleUpon to stalking people on Facebook to having a retarded Gtalk conversation. Every damn thing. It's like when you just have to do something, you find all the reasons to not do that exact thing. 

I need to listen to new songs. I need to get back to reading books.

So please, recommend some good ones. Thengs! Bye.

Also, I'm waiting for some fairy to appear one night and teach me tricks to tackle Quantitative Aptitude questions in those entrance exams. 

Yes, I've started believing in fairies. Also, clowns and vampires and tooth fairies and werewolves and Santa Claus.

Okay, I must solve that paper now. 

Writing a blog post was the only thing left. 

And I said bye long back.

Also I was thinking, is stomach the only way to a man's heart?
Because I don't know how to cook. And I could use a man some time. You know?

Because I might just burst out any second..

..in tears or in anger. Either one.

I need to control my anger before I end up murdering somebody. I just need to.
And no, breathe in breathe out techniques don't help because nothing strikes me that time.

Anger management is a must right now.
That's it.

Maybe I should meditate ..

Only questions. No answers.

Back when I was a HUGE fan of The Secret, I had subscribed for these Secret Scrolls which would be mailed to us regularly. That was the time when I was this crazy believer of The Secret and I found myself connecting all that happened in my life to what the book spoke about. I would also rush to recommend it to anybody and everybody even some random aunty in the lift maybe. "Oh book? You must read The Secret! It's a life changing book. Also watch the movie ..yadda yadda yadda" 

Now things are different. Why? Long story. I still agree with a few things though but I do have a lot of questions too.

Anyhoo point is, now I don't entirely believe in what the book has to say .. but nevertheless, I just happen to check the Secret Scrolls at times. I come across some that don't make much sense to me and others that make ..too much sense.

I stumbled upon one this morning. Here goes ..

To desire something is in proper accordance with the law. You attract what you desire. To need something is misuse of the law. You cannot attract what you need if you feel you need it urgently or desperately, because that emotion contains fear. That kind of "needing" keeps things away. Desire everything. Need nothing.

Why did this hit me? It's because I was "needing" a few things a bit too much recently and breaking my head over them ..

I don't know if there's a God but when such things happen, is it JUST coincidence or does crap like "the universe is talking to you" and shit actually exist? :O

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Just read this beautiful mail I had written to someone on November 7th, 2010. I was apprehensive at first but I'm glad I finally read it. You know how you just conveniently forget some minute details about how your state of mind was a year back right? Those exact emotions, the pain, what mattered, what did not ..all that came back to me, after reading that mail and it felt great knowing that somehow.

At times, I just read all my old blog posts, which is why I don't want to delete my old blog or do away with those diaries I "tried" maintaining but eventually failed. Oh and also because I am a compulsive hoarder. A "neat" compulsive hoarder, so to say :P

--

Met C after ages last evening and we had one of the best conversations ever over coffee. I miss that. I miss that "heavy philo"shit sometimes, those mind stimulating conversations .. especially when you're getting an  overdose of the frivolous talks. You know? :\

Aaaaand a special mention to Isha of Chaai, Paani, Etc. , one of MY favourite bloggers! :)
Once again, thanks a ton! 

Rockstar.

"Jo bhi main, kehna chahoon
Barbaad karein, alfaz mere, alfaz mere"


WHAT.A.MOVIE.
There's so much I want to say but I'm just not able to put it out in words here.
So, I guess I'll just leave it at that.

Just when I thought I was starting to stop believing in love, this movie comes in and makes me weep and I wonder, if I'll ever experience those intense emotions ever. If I'll be that fortunate..

Of self deception.

Sometimes we make things a bigger issue than they actually are, in our head. We glorify it and mull over it, not realizing how futile it is to do so. We feel it's a big deal but completely miss out on the fact that maybe it's just us. It's more like - "We've been at it for so long that not being at it, seems wrong" *. So think about all the things you're obsessing over currently, for all you know it's not all that big a deal at all. Whatever it may be.

--

I haven't replied to the comments on the previous post because I realized quite a few things about myself. Even though I feel like scrapping the post as of now as I no longer completely agree with it, I think I'm just going to let it be.

What happens is that you're just so used to saying certain things at times that you begin to "feel" you're like that but you don't realize that, that's not actually your reality. That's just something you gathered from talking to people or reading about it. And then when you see that your thoughts and actions don't coincide, you begin wonder what you're actually looking for. Talk about self deception.

I hope I made sense. 
*Courtesy: Raj. I loved that line. So I stole it :D

"Let's talk about goals, children"

I'm one of those who silently crawls out when some serious uncle starts one of those "So-children-tell-me-about-your-goals-in-life" conversations! Why is everyone expected to have a goal in life anyway? Somethings are just taken for granted - everyone must have a goal, everyone should be ambitious and you must want to stir up some change in this world. If not, then ohmygod, you certainly don't deserve to live!

I don't have a goal in life and I'm not ambitious for the pits. I don't know what I'm doing here and if I have a "purpose" at all. As I'm here, I'm going to try and live a bloody awesome life and hope to die happy. So what is the need to limit ourselves to goals? Taking each day as it comes is way more fun or so I think. Keeping goals make us feel secure, that's all. We think we have a plan and that does it for us.

I don't see why everything you do should have a purpose. Isn't doing it because you like it, a purpose enough? Apparently not. So, before I gear myself for those interviews, I better get myself a proper "goal" in life because it seems to be like THE question. Yes, I feel like a hypocrite already.

So tell me about YOUR goals in life. Yes you, who plans to close the window before commenting :P
Ok bye.