Self loathing moments.

You know how the whole "give that extra push to yourself" thing works right? Well, I don't. I don't know what is self control, I have no clue what strong willed means but yes, I'm very very hopeful. Hopeful about the fact that tomorrow I will get up early for college, tomorrow I will go down for a run, tomorrow I will give three hours to CAT.

So, all this as you see will happen 'tomorrow'. Today I'm so sure that it will happen 'tomorrow' that it's enough to make me feel fine today. But you know what, 'tomorrow' never comes. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and 'tomorrow' still hasn't come. 

No, don't nod your head thinking you do the same and pat me on my back saying it'll be fine. You don't get it. This case of mine, it's an extreme one. Like an extreeeeeeeme one. And only I can help myself. 

I hate bunking college every second day but no one believes me. Why would they? Do you when I say that I'm in the best of my moods when I go to college but I still choose to stay at home the very next day?

Every morning I give in to sleep and end up sleeping like someone who doesn't have anything better to do in life. Most mornings go like this when they shouldn't. There's no point writing all this maybe and tomorrow I might repeat the very things I wrote here but yes, that's the 'hopeful' me talking now. No, I'm not saying it like I'm proud of it. I'm most certainly not.

That's it.