It's a strange thing..

"It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them - and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on - this desperate need - and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other."
  - Madeleine L’Engle

#NoteToSelf.

I need to calm the fuck down. 

Like breathe. Relax. Take it slow. Stop over thinking. Quit being so hyper. Eat thoda less. Stay away from alcohol. AND JUST CHILL. 

Also, a tad bit more of confidence won't really harm. You know?

That's it.

It's back and I'm not surprised.

I’m back in that phase where I’m sulking about my ‘uncertain’ future. You know what this feels like? I feel like someone who’s of marriageable age and everyone around her is getting married and I’m this lonely cow who to begin with, doesn’t even know if she wants to get married. That said, I hope I don’t have to see such a day too.

I don’t want to hear about who’s getting admission where and who’s doing an internship in which company because I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass. I have way too much shit to deal with in my life to look into someone else’s.

Everything boils down to the fact the I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if its okay to be this way. I don’t know if its okay for a 21 year old to be this way. Even if its not, I just need to be told that it is okay. Ya, I’m asking for just that.

Is it media or investment banking or journalism or MBA in finance or MBA in marketing or advertising or what? FAAACK. I DON’T KNOW. In times like these, I wish I was born in the 50s when there weren’t so many options, when no one expected much of you, it would have been so fucking simple. But no!

Sometimes I feel useless, like I’m not cut out for anything. Do I even have the aptitude for what I want to do? Maybe not. Maybe how much ever I push myself, I won’t ever get there. And what is aptitude anyway? And what is this whole deal about hard work? 

Wow. Perfect. I think I should just dig myself waaaay below the ground and die.

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I’ve noticed that whenever writer’s block strikes, the next morning life gives me something to write about. I don’t know if I should be happy in such cases that I have something to blog about or upset what about happened. 

Don’t be me and start advising me on being positive. I am an optimist and it would be great if I get your permission to be this way on some days. Thankyouverymuch.

I see Rahul Dravid reading out his retirement speech at a conference and I feel like crying. THAT IS HOW MUCH TODAY SUCKS. 

Before Sunrise.

I watched London, Paris, New York yesterday and got reminded of this lovely movie called Before Sunrise. LPNY was of course a lame, Bollywood version of Before Sunrise ..actually it didn't even come close. So anyway, all those who haven't watched this one ..please do :)

Also, watch its sequel, Before Sunset. 

Before Sunrise is a beautiful and a really 'believable' love story. The whole movie is nothing but a conversation between Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy and you realize you just can't get enough them and all that they talk about! It's one of those movies that you wish never ended.

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Celine: I’d say to my Dad, “I want to be a writer”, and he’d say, “Journalist.” I’d say, “I want to have a refuge for stray cats” and he’d say, “Veterinarian.” I’d say, “I want to be an actress” and he’d say, “TV newscaster.” It was this constant conversion of my fanciful ambitions into these practical money-making ventures.

Jesse: You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone.”

Celine: I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more? Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

Celine: People can lead their life as a lie. My grandmother, she was married to this man, and I always thought she had a very simple, uncomplicated love life. But she just confessed to me that she spent her whole life dreaming about another man she was always in love with. She just accepted her fate. It's so sad.
Jesse: I guarantee you, it was better that way. If she'd ever got to know him, I'm sure he would have disappointed her eventually.
Celine: How do you know? You don't know them.
Jesse: Yeah, I know, I know. It's just, people have these romantic projections they put on everything. That's not based on any kind of reality.

Jesse: I kind of see this all love as this, escape for two people who don't know how to be alone. People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish.

Jesse: Why do you think everybody thinks relationships are supposed to last forever anyway?
Celine: Yeah, why. It's stupid.

Palm reader: You need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life. Only if you find peace within yourself will you find true connection with others.

Jesse: I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

Celine: You know, I have this awful paranoid thought that feminism was mostly invented by men so that they could like, fool around a little more