Multitude of emotions.

There’s no better feeling than the feeling you get when you’ve conquered anger. When something major happens, the emotions one is likely to go through ranges from hurt to anger to indifference.

When you’re hurt, you find reasons to get angry because you hate feeling vulnerable and let down. Then after all the reasons you give yourself, you finally stop feeling hurt, your ego speaks up and you are pushed into the anger zone. This is a horrible place to be. You rot here and more than anyone else, you cause yourself the most pain.

 Anger consumes you. It doesn’t allow you to think clearly. However rational you are as a person, this is the time when everything goes out of the window. Even though anger is short lived, it takes a considerably long time for you to put it aside and move on because here’s where your big bad ego is at play. Every day seems difficult, every moment feels like a struggle. The transition from anger to indifference has to be the worst and the most difficult one but it happens.

It’s all about that one moment when something hits you and you realize how clouded your thoughts were all this while. Finally, you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. There’s hope and you start making your move towards it. And then, the time you release anger, that’s the beautiful bit. You’re finally done. You feel lighter, less burdened and normal. And normalcy is great because that’s what you craved all this while. This is when you’ve finally let go and become indifferent. You’ve walked away from your past, all the happenings, all the doings, the pain, anger, resentment, everything. You’ve put everything behind you and you are now ready to bounce back. You’re out of that “phase” and nothing can be better than that.

I think I got there just now. It took me a month but it happened.

:)

Happiness is really simple.

This is a little something on happiness. Something I had saved long back. Don't remember where I read it but it has to be one of the best posts on happiness..

The question is not if you can do something  with someone. You can almost always find something to do with anyone but the question is if you can do nothing  with someone.

All our lives, we try to fill our time and mind with meaningless some things. We believe that if we could fill that void with something, we will be happier. But its not about the something. True happiness comes when you can sit with someone and do absolutely nothing, and not feel like you have to. Happiness is when you don't feel awkward about it, when you don’t have to continuously please someone to get their attention or get their affection because they are already pleased just because you are in the room. Happiness is when you don’t have to plan every single evening. Happiness is when you can be spontaneous, and you can only be spontaneous when you don't fear that you're going to be judged for being silly or downright crazy.

Happiness is simple. Its not what they make it out to be. Happiness is not in expensive gifts and restaurants and crazy amounts of work. Happiness is in holding hands and knowing that you can hold that hand. Happiness is sitting in a hot-dog joint and wiping mustard off of each others collars. Happiness is  when someone kisses your hands - if you haven't tried it, try it. You'll know what I mean.

Some people don’t get it, but happiness really is simple.

Talk about ironies.

Drafted: Sometime in June 2012

Yes arrangements don’t work for me and which is why I know that now I’m in it because that’s all I want and nothing else. No favours, no sympathy love, nothing of that sort pictures in here this time.

When I look back, I don’t know what I was waiting for. I think a part of me just wanted to delay the process because I just couldn’t get myself to trust my decisions. Now, when I turn and see him there, I’m so glad every bit of what happened, happened because it couldn’t have been better.

Sometimes when you’re mindfucked and you have no clue so as to where you’re going, it really helps to just let go. I don’t know if there’s a god and what the whole deal about destiny is and moreover I’m beyond caring about all that now but this whole ‘going with the flow’ thing? Yea, that’s pretty awesome.

There’s no looking back and we don’t know what’s coming our way but I know we’re together at this and that’s all I need right now.  

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Drafted: Sometime in October 2012

Isn’t it scary when you look back and see how sure you were about certain things that don’t hold a place in your life any more? Makes you rethink all the decisions you’ve made till date and wonder if they too will have an end. But can you blame yourself? Change is the only constant in life after all. Then again, when someone else’s emotions are at stake, you can’t help but get scared.

So many issues can be resolved with a simple fortune teller, no? But that’s not happening. Apparently they say, life won’t be “fun” anymore and all that. Bullshit.

Short post. Okay bye.

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The above two were drafts. Now, I just want to look at them and laugh. I’ve been indecisive, I’ve been confused, I’ve been the bitch (maybe!) and I know it has all had a huge impact on someone else’s life. I know because I’ve been told but hey, it wasn’t easy for me either. When something happens, the first person I point fingers at is myself.

It’s very easy to tell me how much you cried and how much you suffered and walk away. Obviously you did. You know, I know, all your friends know. Lots of ‘awww’s and all that, I’m sure. But what you don’t know is that it wasn’t a cake walk for me either. Even I’ve suffered, even I’ve had moments of absolute disillusionment. The worst par being that I am at war with myself. I would stare into space and wonder why I was being the way I was whereas you could just go ahead and hate me. I’ll have to live with myself, with all the decisions I’ve made and everything else. The journey’s ended for you but I think it just started for me.

So thank you!

I wish someone was at fault here but no one is. So, I’ll have to just forcefully hate you because that’s the only way out. 

Of longgg distance relationships.

Thinking of entering a long distance relationship? Let me help u with it. DON'T. It sucks to the core. It wont let u live peacefully. All you'll do is be on the phone or skype at best. So much, that after a point of time you'll realize that u're  actually in a relationship with ur fucking phone. And then u're going to start hating talking on the phone too.

Oh not only that it will also burn a hole in ur wallet. Thanks to the phone bills and the trips u're going to have to make to see each other. People say crap like the good thing is that you'll at least look forward to seeing each other and that when u're with each other u won't fight. Let me tell u its all bullshit. U know why u wont fight, its because u would have fought a million times on the phone already. Who has energy left right? Nothing, absolutely nothing can make up for seeing each other everyday and those hugs that can fix almost anything.

Ya so unless you are in  5 year long relationship or something before a long distance, dont even think of entering one. Also, if u're so dead sure about ur partner that u know that in spite of the distance, the arguments and every other crappy thing a long distance gets along with it, he/she is the one for u. When u have the patience to wait and the confidence in what u share with each other, that's when you know u're up for one.  So that's the only question u need to answer,  really.

Note: this post was written in a fit of anger but it's surely not worth forgetting. So there!