Thursday, February 23, 2012

Perfectly imperfect or Imperfectly perfect?

He sends you flowers and chocolates and cards. He tells you he loves you and shows you that he cares. He makes it a point to see if you're alright after a horrible day. He stays on the phone for hours together when you're travelling back home alone. He does all that he can to make you happy because he says seeing you happy, makes him happy and you just realize how you've never met someone who cares so much.

In spite of all that, you feel something's missing but you tend to overlook that and tell yourself that he's just so 'nice' and you better start falling for him or he's done so much for you, that you can't afford to break his heart. But this feeling doesn't go and you don't know if it ever will.

You've just been blinded by his overly caring nature which often misleads you, making you believe you're on the same page but deep inside, you know you're not. You wonder what's holding you back because everything's just so freaking perfect. Maybe this is the closest you can ever get to having things like this but when you look at the way you feel, you realize that there's more to just having things perfect. Something you can't give a name to at the moment, something that goes beyond all this.

And if you feel that you'll just quietly "make" yourself feel the way he wants you to and no one will ever get to now, you're wrong. You're wrong because such arrangements don't work.
They don't for me at least. 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Maybe it's a phase or maybe it's just me.

It's quite funny and interesting to 'discover' sudden changes in yourself .. randomly. Especially when you never intended to change and you don't know how, when and what made you change to such an extent. Maybe it was shaping up all this while and you never knew. You only come to realize when you're made to face it and then you see that what you thought you wanted no longer what you want now..

For the longest time, I remember being so open about myself to people and the whole idea of love and stuff would just excite me. And now, it's so weird. I haven't completely shut myself out ..but I find great difficulty in expressing myself. I can feel the wall around me and see how I'm no longer interested in anything that involves any kind of dependency or anything at all that holds emotions at stake ..mine or the other person's. 

And I was never ever the 'wall person'. Seriously. I was more of the types who would look at such people and go "HOW!"

But I still don't know such kind of a behaviour subjective? Like, does it always depend on the other person or can every person under the sun be categorized as a 'wall person' and someone who gets easily attached.

It's all there in front of me ..but something stops me from going ahead and just grabbing it and making it mine. I'm going to trust this feeling and just let it be for now. For once I don't think it's just me over thinking..