It's quite funny and interesting to 'discover' sudden changes in yourself .. randomly. Especially when you never intended to change and you don't know how, when and what made you change to such an extent. Maybe it was shaping up all this while and you never knew. You only come to realize when you're made to face it and then you see that what you thought you wanted ..is no longer what you want now..
For the longest time, I remember being so open about myself to people and the whole idea of love and stuff ..it would just excite me. And now, it's so weird. I haven't completely shut myself out ..but I find great difficulty in expressing myself. I can feel the wall around me and see how I'm no longer interested in anything that involves any kind of dependency or anything at all that holds emotions at stake ..mine or the other person's.
And I was never ever the 'wall person'. Seriously. I was more of the types who would look at such people and go "HOW!"
But I still don't know ..is such kind of a behaviour subjective? Like, does it always depend on the other person or can every person under the sun be categorized as a 'wall person' and someone who gets easily attached.
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It's all there in front of me ..but something stops me from going ahead and just grabbing it and making it mine. I'm going to trust this feeling and just let it be for now. For once I don't think it's just me over thinking..
I think we build up walls around us when we're scared to get hurt. And the more we hide ourselves behind these walls, the greater the chances of us getting hurt by someone who finds a way inside these walls.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Sometimes we build walls and sometimes, they just get built. That's my point. I had no qualms being the more vulnerable one. I mean I did but I didn't feel like going on the other side either. So ya ..
Deleteyou have changed for the good. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's some assurance! :P
DeleteIt's not about good or bad. It's beyond all that.
There is nothing wrong in getting into a shell from time to time, as long as you know what you're doing and why you're doing so. Cheerio.
ReplyDeleteYa I guess. Can't help it anyway.
Delete<3 I can relate to this one :)
ReplyDeleteThe last line especially! :)
Well, you evolve with experiences, it's only natural. Building a protective shell around yourself can stem from bad experiences, happens to the best of us. As far as choices not being same over a period of time, read this - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dynamic_inconsistency
ReplyDeleteBehavioral economics and game theory! Yes, I've read that. It's a part of our syllabus in fact which is why it's not as interesting there :P
DeleteI'll read it. Thanks
You write well.
ReplyDeleteRealize the beauty behind the words you write here. :)
Love.
http://inthepourinrain.blogspot.in/