Drafted: Sometime in June 2012
Yes arrangements don’t work for me and which is why I know that now I’m in it because that’s all I want and nothing else. No favours, no sympathy love, nothing of that sort pictures in here this time.
When I look back, I don’t know what I was waiting for. I think a part of me just wanted to delay the process because I just couldn’t get myself to trust my decisions. Now, when I turn and see him there, I’m so glad every bit of what happened, happened because it couldn’t have been better.
Sometimes when you’re mindfucked and you have no clue so as to where you’re going, it really helps to just let go. I don’t know if there’s a god and what the whole deal about destiny is and moreover I’m beyond caring about all that now but this whole ‘going with the flow’ thing? Yea, that’s pretty awesome.
There’s no looking back and we don’t know what’s coming our way but I know we’re together at this and that’s all I need right now.
Drafted: Sometime in October 2012
Isn’t it scary when you look back and see how sure you were about certain things that don’t hold a place in your life any more? Makes you rethink all the decisions you’ve made till date and wonder if they too will have an end. But can you blame yourself? Change is the only constant in life after all. Then again, when someone else’s emotions are at stake, you can’t help but get scared.
So many issues can be resolved with a simple fortune teller, no? But that’s not happening. Apparently they say, life won’t be “fun” anymore and all that. Bullshit.
Short post. Okay bye.
The above two were drafts. Now, I just want to look at them and laugh. I’ve been indecisive, I’ve been confused, I’ve been the bitch (maybe!) and I know it has all had a huge impact on someone else’s life. I know because I’ve been told but hey, it wasn’t easy for me either. When something happens, the first person I point fingers at is myself.
It’s very easy to tell me how much you cried and how much you suffered and walk away. Obviously you did. You know, I know, all your friends know. Lots of ‘awww’s and all that, I’m sure. But what you don’t know is that it wasn’t a cake walk for me either. Even I’ve suffered, even I’ve had moments of absolute disillusionment. The worst par being that I am at war with myself. I would stare into space and wonder why I was being the way I was whereas you could just go ahead and hate me. I’ll have to live with myself, with all the decisions I’ve made and everything else. The journey’s ended for you but I think it just started for me.
So thank you!
I wish someone was at fault here but no one is. So, I’ll have to just forcefully hate you because that’s the only way out.