Friday, September 9, 2011

What am I doing?!

What am I doing?!

I've asked myself this question a thousand times over already. You know the times when you exactly know what's going wrong but you don't have the courage to call it the quits or withdraw yourself because of the simple reason that you fear change. The times when you feel you rather stick to the same old thing and not take any action. Think about it, how many times will you make an attempt to 'try' and settle things. It's just plain tiring, isn't it?

Fairy tale beginnings never ever ever work out well. Fairy tale beginnings look best in books and that's where they should be. Period. Or maybe not even there because they're fucking misleading.

Okay so I'm going to rant a little.

All we do is fight. Over stupid things and no, it's not cute or funny, it's irritating because when I get miffed, I'm just told how I can't 'take jokes'. Take jokes? Are you fucking kidding me? Jokes?! How much does one want to joke? When do you joke and when are you serious? How the fuck am I supposed to know? I hate people who keep "joking" all the time. It's just self defense. To not show who you really are and to run away from serious matters. Things which need to be spoken about! He's such an overgrown kid and that's what he is. When we talk, he makes me feel 10 years younger than what I am and I feel like shit. I hate the way I feel in his presence and that's obviously not a really good sign right?

I know what I want and I know this is not that but I've always settled for something else thinking that the situation will change, the person will change. But no! It's a bloody vicious cycle and I hate getting stuck in it every single time. And you know who's to blame? It's me.

I'm losing it. I needed to write this out. I feel better now. If I could slap him and throw some eggs or something at him, I would have felt way better but anyway. This is okay. And okay is fine. 


  1. Run. I was here a couple of months ago. And it's not a good place.

  2. its hard to think about making a move, cause we fear the change. I Agree.

  3. @Isha: ..and I did :D

    @radiohead: Yeah!