Just one of those thoughts..

It’s almost embarrassing to think that you were even involved with anybody at all who today obviously doesn't hold the same place in your life anymore. Those silly things you did, the fact that you thought it would work, the times when you could just imagine spending the rest of your life with that person. Ughh. To think that I ever gave that position to some people in my life just makes me want to hide my face.

Yes I know that we must not regret. And this post is not about me regretting my past choices or anything. It’s just a random thought which crossed my mind and I know how I've conveniently ignored all the positives here but that's the point of this post. There are a lot of things to be grateful about too but yeah.

It’s like at one point of time, you were SO sure and now you just happen to come across his picture and you can't help but think what happened! But then again, such is life*

I can feel the romantic in me die slowly. And unless some miraculous thing (which is Idon'tknowwhat) happens, in no time, I’ll be bidding goodbye to that part of me. 

And I don’t really know if I'll miss it..

*"Such is life" has got to be my mantra considering how much I use it.

My bit on Life.

Just a few days back I remember being so upset, miserable and what not with the way things were turning out to be with that reeeeaaallly good friend who is no longer that close and today we met like nothing ever happened. It was just the way it used to be.

The underlying fact being that life just goes on. The most unexpected of things happen, people leave, people come back, you leave, you meet new people ..whatever happens, life just goes on and all you can do is get adjusted to the changing situations. More importantly, know that come what may, you will get used to it how much ever you hate it in the beginning.

And you know why this theory is so awesome? That's because it saves you from getting scared of what will happen in the future. Because let's face it, when has our life turned out exactly as planned.

I couldn't imagine life without her and the last two months showed me that I can be just fine without her. That is what was needed and now we're totally cool with each other. No explanations, nothing. It just happened and that's all.

So, whether its friendship or those failed relationships or just anything at all that moves you out of your comfort zone, it helps to know you'll be just fine at the end.

-

Happy Diwali all :)
For a change, I won't complain about the crackers this time.
I shall just do my Diwali thing which is to gorge on those sweets.

Haha. Creepy.

So, the first word I saw here was - lazy. Yes, lazy.
Even this random game tells me I'm lazy. I must be really really lazy.

Well and I also saw happy, patient and peaceful :)
Patient. Gah!

Phew!

What's done is done, now let's move on shall we?
Hmm. I'm talking to myself after my previous post.

Oh, you must read this: http://raajii.blogspot.com/2011/10/these-things.html
Beautifully written, as always! :)

I feel sorted. You ask why?
Well because I finally understood chi-square and F test.
*adjusts nerdy specs*

My vella-panti days are coming to an end. The eye is getting better and you don't know how GLAD I am!
I slept so much in these 15 days, I think I completed the quota for the next 2 months.

I need to start living a "disciplined" life.
Ya I had nothing to do in the last two weeks so I made an agenda. I'm going to act all superstitious now and not blurt it out here.
*ahem*
I better follow it.
I also wrote a matrimonial ad for a friend which turned to be be pretty awesome :P

I'm sorry. I'll never complain about being loaded with work. Never ever.
These 15 days - was the universe's slap on my face. 

That horrible feeling, go away.

Ha. I don't know where to start. I feel like I've written something like this before but oh well, I'm just going to continue anyway.

There have been instances where I've looked back and felt stupid. Times when I felt like a complete idiot doing the things I did. But nothing has been as BIG as this one. I'm finding it really difficult to forgive myself this time because I hadn't expected this at all. Being this stupid is NOT allowed.

I've always maintained the fact that I don't regret anything in life but this just kills it. I'm forced to say that I finally do regret something. And no, I've tried thinking about what that 'mistake' gave me and yes, it gave me quite a bit, it taught me a lot but somehow when compared to my stupidity, everything falls short.

It's a horrible feeling. It doesn't matter how mad you are at anyone else, when you're mad at yourself, it's crazy. It just keeps coming back to you and pinching you and you just start hating yourself for what you did all over again.

Guess I'll just have to wait for this feeling to get the hell out of my system.
I also want to throttle him and push him into a well. Well but these are things you just can't do. 
I never want to find myself in such a situation ever again.

--

I just read the whole thing. This whole 'mistake' sounds pretty shady :P
No, I'm not talking about regretful sex or anything.
I'm talking about believing in something that wasn't worth it in the first place.

Generally, I'm at a very happy place in life. There's a lot to do, so much to look forward to. Excites me at times and the other times, I'm just plain scared and curious. But then, there come days when some people's presence skull-fucks you with reminders and you wonder what they're still doing in your life or your Facebook list for that matter :\

Oh and also, 1 more week and I get my life back.
TADAAAAAAA!

What eventful days! Whattosay!

The last few days were crazy. I learnt that I'm down with corneal injury and before I knew it, I was stationed at home with my life revolving around my bed, my eye loaded with eye drops and of course the creature I would see in the mirror everyday would scare me every time I managed to take a glance.

Who would have known that one random statement which went like "I don't want to give these exams ya!" would have actually come true and here I am ..as jobless and vella as ever while all my friends are struggling with the portion. The next few lines are super predictable and you don't get a chocolate for guessing - I rather be giving the exams man! :|

Anyhoo, so after all the crying and the thinking and the 'accepting', I'm finally okay with this whole corneal injury business. Sounds damn fancy I must say. And when doctors go like "This is one of the worst cases I've ever seen", it just makes me think what I actually did with my eye! Like WHAT!

Okay so coming to what I actually wrote this post for.
The day I fell sick and was told that I would take at least 15 days to recover, I saw all my plans come crashing down. I mean, I had so much to do. Exams, meet people, go for a mini vacation, work and what not! I couldn't afford to lie around like some jobless thing! I didn't know what to do. I don't believe in God or any supernatural being. I don't chant or anything. But at that moment, I found myself questioning the 'universe' (let's put it that way) and I was just desperately hoping that some miracle happens and I get out of this as soon as possible. But you know, nothing was helping. Nothing assured me even for that moment that things will be alright. I think that's where faith comes in. When you believe in God or something, it just helps you come in terms with those adverse situations at that moment and it calms you down. You can stop crying and go like "Ya, god's there. I'll be fine" and you pray your ass out. No, I'm not going all endorsing any idea as such. I'm just tracing out a believer's and a non-believer's state of mind. And I don't know about any other non-believer but there have been times when I've felt like - what if there's a God or should I just believe in him blindly too. But then again, that hardly lasts 10 seconds.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to what you believe in. What you believe in, works for you and that's about it.

I typed all this with one proper eye and one blurred. Okay now go all 'awwwwwwwwwwwh'
Lol. Bye bye!

Let me get all preachy on this note and say - Don't ever ever ever take your eyes for granted. You need those precious little things for each and every thing! And if you wear contact lenses, clean them a zillion times before wearing them. Wake up an hour before if you are prone to getting late. I don't care. Do whatever! Now, as soon as I step out of home, I shall go specs hunting and get myself ooh-lala oh so sexy specs!

See you!