Saturday, October 8, 2011

That horrible feeling, go away.

Ha. I don't know where to start. I feel like I've written something like this before but oh well, I'm just going to continue anyway.

There have been instances where I've looked back and felt stupid. Times when I felt like a complete idiot doing the things I did. But nothing has been as BIG as this one. I'm finding it really difficult to forgive myself this time because I hadn't expected this at all. Being this stupid is NOT allowed.

I've always maintained the fact that I don't regret anything in life but this just kills it. I'm forced to say that I finally do regret something. And no, I've tried thinking about what that 'mistake' gave me and yes, it gave me quite a bit, it taught me a lot but somehow when compared to my stupidity, everything falls short.

It's a horrible feeling. It doesn't matter how mad you are at anyone else, when you're mad at yourself, it's crazy. It just keeps coming back to you and pinching you and you just start hating yourself for what you did all over again.

Guess I'll just have to wait for this feeling to get the hell out of my system.
I also want to throttle him and push him into a well. Well but these are things you just can't do. 
I never want to find myself in such a situation ever again.


I just read the whole thing. This whole 'mistake' sounds pretty shady :P
No, I'm not talking about regretful sex or anything.
I'm talking about believing in something that wasn't worth it in the first place.

Generally, I'm at a very happy place in life. There's a lot to do, so much to look forward to. Excites me at times and the other times, I'm just plain scared and curious. But then, there come days when some people's presence skull-fucks you with reminders and you wonder what they're still doing in your life or your Facebook list for that matter :\

Oh and also, 1 more week and I get my life back.


  1. //I never want to find myself in such a situation ever again.

    You'll find yourself in a similar situation EVERY TIME you go that way. (And not going that way isn't the solution.) Reconciling with the fact that happiness comes bundled with suffering is the only way, it seems.

    "SOME PEOPLE" are too wise and know TOO MUCH in advance to make any move in that direction. But they also long for it. They are always in dilemma as to which pain is better: The pain of longing, or of heartbreak. :)

  2. Pray, what made u feel tht way ? :)

    Well, my solution to life's greatest problems - alcohol, mayonnaise and fried meat everytime :)

    But seriously, hope the feeling has passed and hope you feelin better :)

  3. :) nothing liek learning the hard way no?

  4. You're all right. Thank you for the lovely words.

    I'm perfectly fine :)